Attack Of The Panics

Panic attacks and I have been at war with each other for ages. I have a fuck ton of anxiety. My brain is constantly darting from one anxious thought to another. Because of that, I often have panic attacks.

I have several different kinds of panic attacks. There’s the classic crying one. Another one involves me being unable to catch my breath. That kind of attack will go on for days. There is also the one that makes me feel like I’m having a heart attack. Some of these attacks involve mental distress and others just physical. I have times where my body goes through the panic attack, but not my mind.

The most fucked up part is that my brain always searching for ways to amp up the anxiety. If I get too used to a kind of a panic attack, to the point where I can just kind of cruise through the attack without too much distress, it will look for another way to get to me.

I’ve used several different methods to get through my panic attacks. When I was younger, I was generally given Ativan to quell the attacks. It worked, but I was pretty much knocked out for the rest of the day. Now I use the glorious weed plant. A couple hits and things smooth out a little. It can also help to have one of my safe humans talk me through it. And honestly, there are just some times I need to ride the panic attack out. I know that I am upset now, but I keep looking towards the moment the panic attack will end and I get through it.


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